Photo Tag

I’ve been tagged by my friend Leah Payne on her blog Our Payneful Memories in a post called “Photo Tag”. Here were the rules:

Go to the 4th folder in your computer where you store your pictures.
Pick the 4th picture in that folder.
Explain the picture.
Tag 4 people to do the same.

Seeing as how I am new to blogging, I thought I would take a look in my folder and if it was a dumb photo I probably wouldn’t do it. Well, in a weird “coincidence” this is what I found...



This is a photo of Owen at exactly 1 month, taken on 2-26-07. Napping with his NG feeding tube and oxygen taped to his face and sporting a bulging shunt site on the back of his head and a pacifier that literally couldn’t stay in.

Zane just turned one month yesterday. It is strange to look at this photo today when I’ve, oddly enough, been doing a lot of reflecting on the differences between Owen and Zane at this age.

For example, I realized the other day that I spend an unusual amount of time looking at the roof of Zane’s mouth. Every time he is crying I find myself looking into his mouth, trying to get a good view. Weird, I know—but something I have apparently reprogrammed myself to do when a baby cries. I’m not looking for, or at, anything in particular. I just look out of habit.

I also find myself thinking about how I pumped, put a tube down my infant’s throat to feed him, and cleaned all the related accouterments every 2 hours, all while watching two toddlers. I often feel like I’m forgetting to do something—like nursing is not enough.

And I have these weird panicky thoughts that I need to cath, or forgot to cath Zane. Yeah, weird.

Basically, I realized that in many ways I’ve forgotten what “normal” is. On days like today when Zane is extremely fussy I want to pull my hair out, and then I see a photo like this.... Surprisingly I don’t think, “Well, at least it’s not as bad as that!” like you may assume I would. I actually think, “Why is this kid so fussy? This isn’t normal!”

I’m beginning to appreciate Owen’s babyhood in a new way. And I’m learning to accept a new old kind of “normal” all over again. Does that make sense?


So I guess I’ll play along with this Photo Tag thing after all... I tag: my college friends, Heather and Wynette; sister-in-law, Lana; and friend, Kristin.